So you looked everywhere and you have found that all the other metal websites just cover the same shit with a different spin...Well fear not!!
Houston Press did their top turkeys and it's a good one we edited some stuff and added ours too....enjoy!!
POLITICAL TURKEY OF THE YEAR (Group category):
Armed Citizen Project
The reason we dislike this group, which provides free shotguns to people in "mid-high crime neighborhoods," is that it doesn't go far enough. For one thing, there appears to be a one-gun-per-household limit, and if you live alone, that's practically rolling out the red carpet for bad guys.
Say you're in the bathroom when one of those people (we think you know who we're talking about) breaks in, but you, like any normal person, keep your Mossberg under your pillow. You're toast, buddy.
According to the group's Web site, "If a gang of four breaks into your house, it is best for your wife to be equipped with 30 rounds of .223 if possible, and we fully support the decision of firearm owners to be prepared for all eventualities."
If the ACP were truly interested in helping homeowners prepare for "all eventualities," it would have partnered with similar civic-minded nonprofits, like Grenades for Grandmas, in order to supplement its home-protection mission. And for goodness' sake, how is a five-year-old supposed to effectively fire a shotgun at a home invader, or aren't our precious towheaded children worthy of protection as well? At the very least, the ACP could offer automatic pistols to kids under 12. (For example, a Ruger LCP weighs only 9.4 ounces and is small enough to fit in an Easy-Bake Oven.)
Also, statistics show that shotguns alone are no match for ninjas. Sure, a 12-gauge might work against your garden-variety punk, but when you have an agile assassin clad in a skintight black suit wielding a chigiriki and more throwing stars than you can shake a stick at, your shotgun is about as handy as a water pistol. If you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of such an intruder tiptoeing down the hall, but by the time you point and shoot, the sneaky bastard is hanging upside down from the chandelier behind you, and, oh, hello, is that a blowgun in his mouth?
Seriously, Armed Citizen Project. Go big or go home.
First and foremost a disclaimer: Bill rocks on 90.1 FM every Thursdays at 11 pm - 2am. It is the best heavy metal show in the city of Houston. Bill however has a dark side....
First, at the beginning of the year we had a ticket for him for the Testament, Overkill & Fotsam and Jetsam show. He sold us out at the last minute and was a no show. This was no ordinary show for us. We went thru alot of bullshit to get the tickets.
Secondly, 2013 has been a slow year for Bill. While he has the means, time and hook ups to get into many local shows he has managed to make it to NONE! Yes, you read that right. Not a single show...what up with that JIVE TURKE?
Yet, somehow he has managed to catch just about every MMA/ UFC fight this year. Guys in tights submitting one another is apparently extremely appealing.
Smell my junk sucka!
Say WHAT again Mothafucka I dare you.
In conclusion if we got into the octagon with "the master" we would apply the rear naked chocke -stopping blood from going to the brain, choked out slowly go to sleep on the mat or make that fool tap out.
We need look no further than Governor Rick Perry's expected quixotic repeat run for theWhite House. For at least a few months, the country will once again be subjected to the sputtering misfires of the World's Worst Debater, a man who, like a petulant only child, stomped his feet and called for multiple special legislative do-overs until his abortion laws passed. Quite simply, Perry was not going to rest until he and state Republicans had their paws on every uterus from Amarillo to Galveston.
Jumping in to show that Lone Star legislators can just as efficiently kill decent bills as rubber-stamp rotten ones, Friendswood Senator Larry Taylor put the kibosh on a bill that would have aligned state regulations with a federal law making it a crime to hunt sharks only for their fins. We're not really sure which special interest group this could have possibly appeased, but we're guessing it might be that small but powerful grass-roots movement called The Directorate Of Unified Conservative Houston Executives(D.O.U.C.H.E.), which we understand has a satellite office in Taylor's living room.
That contingent also has an ally on theHouston City Council, in the form of oneHelena Brown, whose brave stance against the Old Testament's cockamamie commandment not to steal was illustrated by her opposition to the Council's proposed anti-wage-theft ordinance. In this respect, she was echoing German theologian and pastor Martin Niemöller: "First they came for the greedy jerks, and I didn't speak out..."
But one thing that sticks out as an especially turkey-esque move was the vote to obliterate the Astrodome. Sure, it is a crumbling husk of a once-great monument that cost the county more than a million a year in utilities, but it's still an important part of Houston's history, and it's not like the city is suffering from a glut of historic preservation.
So as we wave good-bye to an icon of our identity, let us also look back at the infamous feathered flock of gobblers whose idiocy reigned supreme. Fix yourseld a mimosa and pull up a seat while we grab the carving knife and dig into the 2013 Turkeys of the Year.
“Officially” the critics like this album, but what they are saying in private is not the same as what they are saying online, on air and in print. People don’t want to lose their jobs by making angry the big wigs who pull the strings at the record label and promotions.
Sabbath supporters are going to the shows because they know that the band members have one foot in the grave and they want to witness “history.” Something like, “I want to be able to tell my grand kids that I saw Black Sabbath in concert,” blah, blah, blah
Who are we kidding?! This album is no good. It sounds tired and boring, and everyone knows it. What a ridiculous premise it was: To sound just like they did in 1970 or 1969.
am glad that I don’t have a job connected to the music industry so that I don’t have to go around smiling like idiot and pretending that this album is good.
*****May we add if we can: mmm...f**K Black Sabbath and their greedy ass money hungry chupa cabra manager/wife. When ask about Bill Ward.
Osbourne told the New York Daily News he didn't have faith in the original drummer's health. “I don’t think he could have done the gig, to be honest. He’s incredibly overweight," Osbourne said. "A drummer has to be in shape. He’s already had two heart attacks. I don’t want to be responsible for his life.”
"We looked at Bill, and he couldn’t remember what the fuck we were doing. He didn’t come clean and say, ‘I can’t cut this gig, but can we work something out, guys, where I’ll come on but with another drummer backing me up?’ Or, ‘I’ll come and play a few songs.’ That would have been cool."
Ar any rate this album is boring and lame plus there is not way Ozzy sound remotely close to this live...*****
Gary Kubiak, alleged coach of NFL franchise
Kubes has taken a worse drubbing this season than his team's defensive line. The man's under a tremendous amount of pressure. Apparently, not enough pressure to actually figure out how to win a freaking game, but pressure just the same. When he suffered a ministroke and collapsed on the field in front of millions of viewers, it was an important reminder that Gary Kubiak is not just a coach, but a mortal human being. At the end of the day, he's just a regular guy who puts his pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us. Sure, he goes out and makes a bunch of terrible calls and loses a shitload of games after he puts those pants on, but still. That's why, even though he clearly deserves to be this year's Sports Turkey, we didn't want to pile on the hate. We figured we'd let the man's very own to-do list — provided by a source close to the Texans organization — do the talking for us.
TURKEY OF THE YEAR:
If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that domestic violence is inherently funny. In fact, we'd rank it just one cut above the Holocaust and one below childhood leukemia on the LAFF-O-METER. Surprisingly, not everyone agrees, which is why Roots Bistro caught some flak when they posted the message "Beer should be like violence: domestic" on their marquee in April. The manager told the Houston Press that the sign was up for only ten minutes, but we're actually more curious about how long it took to create the sign in the first place.
We all say things we immediately regret; usually it's garbage that has slipped through our mental filter in a moment of emotional weakness. But it's the rare person who's afforded the luxury of watching an offensive remark literally crystallize letter by letter before his eyes. We wonder if there was any form of risk analysis, some thinking along the lines of, "Okay, this is sure to be a hit with wife-beaters — who are known the world over for being staunch vegetarians — but could this somehow backfire and negatively affect our bottom line?"
After suffering the backlash of those wet blankets who don't unleash a hearty guffaw every time a woman dons sunglasses to hide blackened eyes, the restaurant fought back, this time posting "Seriously, focus your energy on equal rights." Sadly, management capitulated to the PC-police and followed that up a few days later with an actual apology.
In an entirely unrelated event, the restaurant closed for business two months later.
Slayer decided to continue without Jeff Hanneman. So Tom Araya thought that it was a done deal and move on but Kerry King says nope I am not ready to retire therefore we keep going. So they bring Gary Holt(Exodus) and Paul Bostaph(Forbidden) to fill in. We strongy disagree with this idea.
Surely they can keep doing their craft with a different project, format or retire. Dave Lombardo did it with Grip Inc. and it was great. King and Araya played on a cover band years ago Quits/Tradewinds. Ok so that was way back in the early 80's but nevertheless the idea is not a foreign one. Is it the money? fame? ..Doesn't matter anyways!!
TURKEY OF THE YEAR:
Dave Wilson, Houston
Community College Trustee-elect
This jive turkey triggered a domino effect of dickery so jaw-droppingly insane that we still aren't convinced it's not all a giant piece of performance art.
Wilson, a hate-spewing, homophobic candidate for Houston Community College trustee — who happens to be white — insinuated in campaign literature to a predominantly black voting base that he was African-American. He accomplished this masterful feat of duplicity by — as KHOU reported — ripping photos of black people from Web sites and slapping them on mailers, underscoring the purloined pics with slogans like "Vote for Our Friend and Neighbor." One especially misleading flyer carried an endorsement by "Ron Wilson," a name shared by both a black former state representative and Wilson's cousin in Iowa. So, see, it's not really a lie.
Ever the classy gent, Wilson went out of his way to point out that two candidates running in another district were gay and said that, as childless gay dudes, they "have no concept of the cost of raising a family." (When he ran for mayor in 2011, his Web site stated, "Dave Wilson believes that one should choose a candidate based on their capability, not on their sexual preference.")
Incredibly, most voters in his district fell for Wilson's ruse, ousting an actual, real-life black person for a hate-spewing white guy.
The Houston Chronicle denounced Wilson's actions in an editorial, opining that "Wilson's gleeful misrepresentation of himself and his positions was a pathetic low." Meanwhile, a columnist for the paper, Lisa Falkenberg, decided to approach Wilson with cautious optimism, offering up this mind-melting assessment: "Trickery aside, there's something honest about him."
However, we did agree with Falkenberg's concern over how voters can be so easily duped. Did supporters of fake-black-HCC-trustee-candidate Wilson not know that he was also real-white-bigoted-mayoral-candidate Wilson, or did they not care?
This isn't the first time Wilson has set out to hoodwink voters. In 2002, after a political action committee called the Conservative Republicans of Harris County mailed its list of recommended run-off candidates to registered Republicans, Wilson created a bizarro-world entity called the Conservative Republicans in Harris County. He then sent nearly identical slate cards to the same voters, recommending the candidates the "real" Conservative Republicans did not endorse.
That would be akin to us saying that Dave Wilson is an outspoken African-American homosexual who was among seven same-sex couples who were plaintiffs in a landmark marriage equality case. It's technically a true statement. Dave Wilson is a proud, married gay man, has served on the board of gay rights groups and is an influential voice in the black queer community. (It's just that it's not the same Dave Wilson; the Dave Wilson we're talking about lives in Boston and was part of a Massachussetts gay rights group called MassEquality.)
Wait — did saying, "Dave Wilson is gay" make you think of the other Dave Wilson? Oops. But hey, nothing we wrote about that was a lie.
email@example.com & MMB/Metal Bulletin 'zine
Black metal is a raw, harsh, underground music played by the mixed offsprings of cave trolls and humans.
Just The Facts
This is not a history lecture. Neither is it a comprehensive factual collection. If we don't mention something you think deserves to be here, you are wrong. Go back to your cave.
The creation of black metal was initialized in the '80s by thrash metal bands who have adopted a new approach to lyrical themes; basically it was old-school thrash metal with an attitude, in the way wrestling is acting with an attitude. The most notable include Venom, Bathory and Celtic Frost. These guys set up the trail for what's today's definition of black metal.
Under the influence of the aforementioned bands, some new faces formed bands which played a new, extreme and raw type of metal. The setting of the new scene was the country where failing to spell North with a capital N results in capital punishment (read: Norway).
You were lucky this time, Wikipedia...
From there it spread mainly to other Scandinavian lands and then throughout the world. Darkthrone, Mayhem, Gorgoroth, Burzum, Immortal and Emperor are names which are most likely to save you from a gruesome death should you ever fall into the hands of black metalheads (from this point on: blackers). Showing knowledge of their idols astonishes the tribe leaders and may give you a couple of moments to make your escape.
The first mention of black metal in the wider media was when Varg Vikernes (aka Burzum) burned the church in Fantoft. He was charged and found not guilty (though the jurors later admitted their mistake). So what did he do after being acquitted? Everything he could that would divert attention from-- wait, no, he put a picture of the church remains on the cover of his "Aske" (Norwegian for "Ashes") album.
Burzum's I totally didn't do it EP
Later on he was charged and found guilty of four more church burnings in the same trial for his most significant of crimes: the high point of his destruction spree came when he killed Ã�ystein Aarseth (aka Euronymous) of Mayhem in a bizarre fashion (that being 20-something cut wounds, with more debates about the exact number than there is LOTR fan fiction). He was sentenced to 21 years in jail and has recently gotten out on parole after serving 15 years. It'd be a fun thing pointing out that he played the card of self-defense.
How could you not trust this guy?
Mayhem was apparently a band that had death very interested, as roughly 3 years prior to the murder of Euronymous, their vocalist Per Yngve Ohlin (who aptly gave himself the stage name Dead) committed suicide in the house owned by the band, by no less than slashing his veins and delivering a shotgun blast to his head. His suicide note read, among a few other lines, "Excuse all the blood. Cheers." At least you can't deny the man's sense of humor. He was discovered by Euronymous who promptly notified the poli-- oh, sorry, we got sidetracked by sanity again: who promptly ran to the store to get a disposable camera and take pictures of the corpse after arranging some items around it to his liking. And supposedly do some more weird shit with it.
In the true spirit of black metal stories, one of the photos was stolen and used, you guessed it, as a cover of an album.
"Watson, I think I'm seeing a pattern to this madness, I am!"
Life sucks, give yourself to Satan/the darkness, bring back the Pagan ways, kill yourself, yadda yadda yadda. And black metal ist krieg! That means "black metal is war". A constant war against society's mockery of black metal, we guess. Those are the basic principles that go along with the two black metal commandments:
The second one is especially called upon nowadays, since more and more black metal bands are looking to live off their music. The most prominent offenders of both commandments are Dimmu Borgir, the band it's totally cool to hate and make fun of.
They're to other black metal bands what Jersey Shore is to us.
Though you must admit they're doing some ridiculously elitist stuff like exclusively revealing fragments of the cover work for the new album and exclusively selling their promo single for the new album on iTunes. Even pop stars would call them posers at this point.
Your usual True blacker will try his best to look like a dying panda.
The method is called corpsepainting and has been used before, yet never to this extent. This is the blacker's main defensive mechanism against predators - playing dead, alongside never appearing in public without lots and lots of spikes (the appearance of blackers indoors has not been verified to this day, so we're forced to assume that they wear them constantly, even while masturbating). Being part human after all, blackers are also familiar with weaponry, which includes the occasional sword or axe and the much more often wielded mace.
These usually take place at obscure, smoky clubs in front of a handful of people. The most common performance enhancers include fire-spitting and animal blood.
The heat enables him to wear his tank-top in the winter.
On some occasions, the more creative bands will include things like pig heads, barbed wire and elaborate costumes.
"This is actually just my bathrobe."
There are also numerous reports of animal rights activists showing up at black metal concerts to try and save what they thought were panda bears screaming in agony .
Ah, the cover art. A band's chance to show their creativity in multiple artistic categories or a total lack thereof. Guess which one's the case here.
No similarity here. None.
Aside the already mentioned motif of burnt down/dead things, the regulars include satanic imagery, band's self-portraits, dark forests (in the winter if possible) and an unhealthy obsession with gothic fonts and goats. Satan himself is probably rolling his eyes.
Warning: you do not want to read the lyrics to a true black metal song all the way through. Ever. Just take our word. Amuse yourselves with fragments, but leave it at that. These guys sing unintelligibly for a reason.
The fewer words this guy utters you can make out, the better.
An obtain common word list function would, after a scan of a black metal lyrics site, return the following set of words: "Satan, demon, master, eternal, immortal, die, dark, forest, storm, necro, raven, frost, winter, moon, blood, North, for, the, and, in, I". This is literally everything there is to it. Combine any of those words (or their derivatives) and you're bound to find a song with that exact verse.
If you're writing lyrics, then usage of words other than those named here is highly discouraged. "Satan my master, eternal and immortal, in the dark forest I die for the Northern moon" is considered a fully written, legit black metal song. If you're desperately out of words, do what Immortal does and start slapping them together.
Black metal is usually identified by highly distorted, tremolo picked guitars, constant drum blast beats and rough, screechy vocals; which is all just fancy talk for it sounds like the official soundtrack to someone being burned alive.
The bass guitar is totally indiscernible and a good excuse to include a friend who can't play the simplest tune from the Mother Goose repertoir; the keyboards (if you have them) are a good way to include that one chick who hasn't broken off all contact with you upon your entrance into the blackness.
Sometimes she doesn't even need an instrument.
The sound is intentionally underproduced (though that trend seems to be fading) for that good old garage feeling ("Look Ma, I'm underground!").
Every portion of the sound has been pushed to the extreme by some band at a point in time, but the most prominent part of that are vocals.
Skip to the 4 minute mark.
If you've managed to listen to that track longer than a minute, congratulations! You're on a good way to become...
We've used this word several times now without explaining its meaning. Just what is True (mind you, True is not the same as the lowercase true)? Well, you see, True stands for those who are true in their hearts about the black metal philosophy. True stands for the truly raw sound. True stands for never selling out no matter what. But mostly it means the band in question can't play shit.
As you rise through the ranks of Blackery, you will be required to do lots of feats to prove your Trueness, such as sporting spikes over 5 inches long (to achieve level 3), sniffing a dead animal (to achieve level 7), performing a satanic ritual (to achieve level 11) and, finally, doing a personal and preferably a unique feat such as burning a church, offing yourself in a dark fashion or making a necklace out of skull fragments to achieve the final, fifteenth level as a black wizard. Upon your completion of the tasks, you will be presented with your thoroughly deserved True kvlt wizard hood.
They don't like each other and they sure don't like you. No matter how empty, dark and cold your existance is, they want you to know theirs will always be emptier, darker and colder. You should probably fuck off and die now.
At the end of 2006, Scale The Summit moved to Letchford's home town of Houston, Texas, where they released their self-released debut album, Monument. They slowly started to gain attention from magazines such as Kerrang, Rock Sound and Amp. A couple years later in 2009 they signed with Prosthetic Records and began working on their second album, Carving Desert Canyons. The release of the second album was extremely successful, earning the band a spot on the 2008 Progressive Nation Tour with Dream Theater. After a couple more years of touring in late 2010 to recorded The Collective.
Presently, they are starting a brand new world headlining tour in Houston. We are glad we made it to this show. The Migration is their new album and it's a great one. We wonder however, they can really sound that great live? The precision delivered in each song it's off the charts. The way Chris Letchford handles his guitar is amazing. All the musicians in the crowd were paying attention.
In some cases it felt more like a guitar clinic for those that aspire to be great with their own guitar.
Scale The Summit - Setlist for 11.2.13 Houston, Texas
Glacial Planet, Odyssey, Atlas Novus, Dark Horse, Dunes, Whales, The Levitated, Oracle, Evergreen, The Great Plains, Willow, Traveler, The Olive Tree, Narrow Salient.
Taken directly from them....
The Reign of Kindo is a band from Buffalo, New York signed to Candyrat Records.
According to the band's Facebook page, the members describe themselves simply as, "makers of music".Their style is altogether jazzier than most bands in the genre, "mixing complex jazz harmonies and dissonances with a Pop music influence. According to the band's recording studio videos, posted on YouTube by rpoland, they incorporate several other instruments in some of their songs, such as the Cello, the Tenor Saxophone, and many forms of auxiliary percussion. Examples of songs with these instruments include "Bullets in The Air", "Hold Out", and "City Lights and Traffic Sounds".
This band is new to us but their fans love these guys. They have a very easy listening feel incorporated with a little bit of rock. The crowd could not get enough...Enjoy!
Overall it was a good night of music...until next time stay tuned