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Sweet Nightmares now hiring interns -- Opportunities For Advancement

Bill "the master" Bates in now interviewing candidates for an internship position. Females only, ages 21-28 must be attractive & tall and must resemble my ex-wife she is was HOT!

Do you enjoy marshmallows and can handle very small amounts of human saliva? Do you take joy in making people happy? Are you flexible with your terms of employment? Are you open-minded, clean, honest, and a hard worker? Do you like dancing to techno music in your Hello Kitty pajamas? Do you love Pink Floyd? UFC/MMA fan a must (This is a deal breaker..not a fan? need NOT apply.)

Single employer looking for someone who will work hard sometimes but procrastinates alot since I postpone and delay needlessly at the small tasks that matter on a daily basis. 

Tasks may include:

- Lots of headbanging to some brutal death/black/gringcore metal.
- Hand-feeding me mini-marshmallows

-The ability to tolerate Wes and all my rowdy metal heads.

- Potential graduation to hand-feeding regular-sized and flavored marshmallows
- Make conversation on air while doing my radio show. Mostly sexual experiences or innuendos

- Demonstrate constant ability to meet all targets and open goals/mouths
- Show creativity in approaches to projects (s'mores, fluffernutter)
- Maintain full stocks of office supplies (white, pastel, chocolate sauce)
- Ability to lift less than 8 oz, typically no more than .5 oz
- Employer is indifferent to whether you proscribe to the Spengler or Stantz school of marshmallow handling, but expert-level proficiency is definitely expected 

Other activities may include: 

- NWOBH trivia to entertain me

- Shopping-cart races in the aisles of a mega-mart

-Driving me around to and from shows and radio station
- Pictionary, both with and without the sand timer
- Areas of creative play, potentially including incorporating other marshmallow related activities into daily activities, such as a marshmallow toss or fluffernutter-making contests
- Staying up all hours of the night talking about design ideas for kitten condos
- Bumper cars
- Following your whims and passions
- Smiling and having fun
- Don't make this weird ...

Experience and Benefits: 

- Must be 21-28 yrs old (please use left picture as a reference)
- Must like marshmallows, or at least tolerate them without any political agenda attached
- Must like childlike innocent fun without adult-ish expectations attached
- Insurance offer does not include coverage for the health consequences of marshmallow over-consumption
- Experience making people happy a plus
- Your resume must be in Haiku form 

Compensation depends on experience. No legal activities. Nothing sexual. Benefits are endless. Background check may be required . 420 friendly. No calls or recruiters, please. 

 

 

 

 

 

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